A Very Serious List

(34 Things I’ve Learned the Hard Way in my 34 Years)

1. If you live in a rental property you can (and should) take as long
as you need to find the perfect house because once you’re living in
your new home and you realize your neighborhood is less than ideal, it’s
not so easy to just go out and get a new house.

2. When you’re driving on the highway and the check engine light
comes on, you’re apparently supposed to pull over right then and there
and call for help because if you don’t and you wreck the engine you’ll
here about it for the rest of your life.

3. Treating homeless people with respect will payoff tenfold –
especially when you park your car in a snow bank and can’t get it out.

4. When you’re struggling through a long distance relationship and
really lonely, going for the hour walk in the dead of winter with your
younger brother to the store to get movies, doritos and pepperoni to
throw in the deep fryer will make the evenings a little more bearable.

5. When you share a room with an older sibling you need to accept that
you pretty much have no rights whatsoever and because of this, the house
we live in will always have more bedrooms then the number of kids we have.

6. It’s a catch-22 being a better photographer than other people –
you’re better than them at something but they have tons of great
photos of themselves whereas you do not.

7. It doesn’t matter if the book you wrote isn’t well received by
your book club and sits collecting dust in a drawer because you
wrote a book.

8. Being the ‘responsible’ child means that your parents will call you
at your boyfriends and interrupt the romantic night he’s planned
because your sibling has failed to come home to babysit – you do the
right thing and return home with your boyfriend so your parents can go out
and after the kids are asleep and you have that romantic meal on a
blanket in the backyard under the stars, you realize years later that
that’s what being a parent is about.

9. Four of a kinds in poker do happen – they’re just that much worse
when you’re playing at the Wynn in Vegas, there’s more money on the
table then you make in a week and your ace high flush all of a sudden
isn’t good enough.

10. When you visit a city that makes you pause, pause a little longer
before a hurricane named Katrina comes along and changes everything.

11. When your friends tell you that they don’t think your current
relationship is going to last, consider that they may not want it to
last for their own reasons. Then let it’s run it’s course and see what

12. It’s really really painful to hold your friends newborn baby when
your trying to have your own and not succeeding but you should do it
anyway to remind yourself about why you’re trying so hard.

13. Good things come to those who wait.

14. Agreeing to have your labour augmented with Pitocin will be
something that you regret for a very long time especially since
there’s a very real chance that this is a mistake you can’t learn from
because you’re likely to have just the one labour.

15. It’s very difficult to explain to your siblings and your parents
why you only want one child without having them take it personally.

16. When you’re fifteen years old and your boyfriend is pressuring you
to go on the pill, trust your instincts when they tell you to wait –
and it’ll hurt much less when you find out after you dump him that
he’s been having sex with the girl next door all along.

17. Advil acts as an inflammatory and is essential when you’re
training for a half marathon with a bum knee.

18. You realize very quickly what (and who) is important to you when
you’re stranded in the middle of the night in a city where you don’t
speak the language and you don’t remember anyones phone number.

19. If your wallet is on the table while you’re having dinner in a
restaurant’s outdoor seating area, listen to your instincts when you
see someone walking towards you, even if they’re of a different race.
Better yet, don’t place your wallet on the table.

20. The last thing you do before leaving the house with a newborn is
change into the shirt you DON’T want covered in spit up.

21. When you’re just a little kid watching television in your pajamas
and a police officer comes to the door looking for you, chances are
you’re not going to be taken to jail. And while it’d be better if you
wrote down the license plate number, remembering a description of the
man who took your friend (and the color of his car) helps the police
quite a bit.

22. When your brother runs into a kitchen cabinet and it looks like
half his face his hanging off from the gash in his lip, and you need
to get help from the neighbour, they’re not going to care that your
girl guide uniform is mostly unbuttoned.

23. Don’t peel the stickers off your sisters Barbie van because she
will never ever let you forget it.

24. You should never make the assumption that it’s safe to walk down a
dark street alone at night because even though nine times out of ten
it will be, there’s going to be that one time when it’s not.

25. Braces at 30 is much more painful then when you’re a teenager,
mostly because of the surgery that could have otherwise been avoided.

26. When your oldest friend loses her only sister and you have so
many, the only thing to do is share yours with her – even if it means
you feel left out when you see photos and hear about all the things
they do together.

27. When you agree to be a hair model and you tell them that you’re
okay with short hair, you need to specify that by short you mean
longer than a centimetre.

28. You need more than an hour to tour the Louvre, should wait for a
sunny day to climb the Eiffel tower, and the best thing to eat in
Paris late at night when everything is closed is a hotdog from the
street vendor.

29. When you find out your mother has breast cancer you need to try
not to let the constant reminder that you’re not there to help get to you –
instead act like you’re not as worried about it as other people because
it’s just easier that way.

30. When you’re slowly gaining weight and buying clothes that are a
bigger size, you’re MUCH bigger than you actually think you are.

31. When you hallucinate that there is a man climbing in your bedroom
window while your sleeping and you run down the stairs of your two story
house looking for help while still asleep, that’s when you REALLY need to
make the appointment to get your sleeping disorder diagnosed and treated.

32. When your nanny is in the hospital that’s a block away from where
you work, it’s worth being a few minutes late to stop by and see her
so you can tell her how much you love her.

33. Your family is not supposed to take advantage of you but you have
to be prepared that when you try and put a stop to it, the riff it
causes is one you’ll be reminded of for years to come because you
won’t ‘fix it’.

34. After numerous people let you down, you’ll realize one day that
your husband will do more for you than anyone else in the world and
therefore is and should be the most important person in your life,
apart from your child.

1 Response to A Very Serious List

  1. Pingback: 2010 in review | Five Days in May

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