Here I Go Again

I wore this dress when we went out for Thai food and then for ice cream on Saturday night.

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I wore this particular dress all the time last summer, until it started to get too big – the shoulder straps kept slipping down and I was slightly bereft when I packed it away when it finally got too big – with the right dangly earrings and even just flip flops, I felt very pretty wearing this particular dress.

And now, the dress is back out of the box and it fits again, hugs my curves in what some would say in all the right places, or would say that it’s still a pretty dress (it is) and while I do still feel pretty wearing it, I’m also conscious of the fact that it fitting again means I’ve gained weight. Again.

I could blither and blather about this and wax poetic with self-pity, but tonight, I’m not sure I care enough. Or maybe it’s enough that I know and understand the why, know that I’m struggling in lots of ways, and not getting to the gym or eating properly is so much of it.

But I’m not being myself, I’m putting a lot of demands on myself, and I’m struggling slightly with the demands of my day to day life. I keep waiting for it to get easier, for the pieces to snap together.

I need to get my crap together, my head in the right space.

But until then…I guess I can handle being curvy (or slightly heavy depending on who’s looking at me) but still pretty. I guess I can.

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2 Responses to Here I Go Again

  1. Jody says:

    I don’t know how to tell you to stop being so ‘obsessed’ (not when I tend to be hard on myself as well). You are healthy and VERY pretty, work full time, are busy with god knows how many pojects (why I don’t know!) and most importantly are raising a beautiful daughter. You can’t be everything, do everything… you have to find that balance, which I think you are.

    And I’m glad you like that dress so much because I think it was mine at one time and I’m pleasantly surprised to see you in and getting so much joy from it. I always thought my arms were too big in it… perhaps you can bring a few dresses to NS that you think I might like 😉

    I get to see you in less than three weeks!!!

  2. Tawny says:

    I don’t think I’m actually all that obsessed. I eat what I eat, often knowing I shouldn’t, I work out when I work out, lately when I want too. This summer especially, now that I’m on summer hours at work and getting up an hour early, I’ve forced myself to let go of the gym pressure. And I’ve been okay with that.

    I’ve basically got a 20lb threshold or ceiling that I’m ok with. When I get close to that ceiling (like I am now) I go more into red alert. And I might come across as obsessive. I can’t explain it. It’s on my mind, but at the back, not the front, if that makes sense.

    And a lot of my frustration comes from the fact that I really enjoy working out, but lack the motivation right now.

    But yeah, not obsessed. Certainly don’t want to come off as being obsessed. I know obsessed people with their weight, and yeah, that’s so not me ;).

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