The Missing Month

I’m understanding now why most people still think a pregnancy is only 9 months and I’m guessing it’s because no one wants to talk about the last few weeks. Would women still get pregnant if they were told that from weeks 35 until I guess week 40 the following could/would happen?

First, that a good night’s sleep would be a rare occurrence and would be the nights where you only wake up about three times to pee. Whereas bad nights (and are most other nights) include peeing more than three times (try five), and is combined with flaring pain in your hips whenever you roll over (which is often), not too mention pain in your wrists severe enough that you think they’re at least sprained and probably are from the weight you put on them when you heave yourself up to pee or roll over. And don’t forget the impact on your breathing and the times your snoring wakes you up when you’re NOT EVEN A SNORER. Or, how about the kicks and punches from your child when they decide that 3am is the PERFECT time to play and you try and sleep through it but you can’t because it’d be like trying to sleep through a ride at an amusement park. And the kicker? You’re still required to get up in the morning and put in a full day’s work.

Or that second, in speaking of kicking and punching, your child would do SO much of it even when you’re awake and it’s almost worse when you’re awake because your body parts down below feel the full force of all those punches and turns and you sit there wincing from the pain while your child’s father alternates from telling you to practice your breathing and leaning in close and trying to say in a somewhat firm voice to his child to settle down in there because she’s REALLY hurting Mommy. And possibly she ignores him because he calls her honey and kisses where she is while he scolds her.

Or third – that as your child grows inside you so does your stomach and you can no longer shave your legs or find a comfortable position in which to be with your husband (which you probably don’t even want to do since you’ve long given up on shaving ANYTHING other than maybe your underarms). But maybe you’re lucky enough to have a husband that will shave those things for you, without even the guarantee that he will get anything in return. And then, as your stomach BALLOONS to even greater proportions (even thought you’re still not convinced that it’s THAT big, at least not as big as it COULD be), it becomes public property and one coworker exclaims that you’re SO MUCH BIGGER than another colleague who’s due 2 months LATER THAN YOU while that very same day, another colleague tells you how much bigger you are than your other colleague who is due within two weeks of you and you snap because you haven’t slept in days and you ask angrily if they are seriously daring to compare you to someone who is barely 5 feet and probably weighed 100lbs prior to getting pregnant? Yes, you’re sensitive and whether or not it is overly-so is irrelevant because you are so big you can barely put your boots on by yourself and forget taking them off on your own unless you can manage to kick them off.

And finally, that leaving the house or the office needs to be timed JUST SO and forget about if you’re waiting on someone because if they take just a minute longer than you expect you then have to tell them to wait because guess what? You have to pee AGAIN and yes, you realize you might be late for whatever but guess what? You don’t care. Not at all.

And there are other things that you could go into about this last month that no one seems to really talk about but these are the things that are just too embarassing to even mention but suffice it to say that you are mortified at yourself even though your husband tells you it’s okay, that you shouldn’t be embarassed and that these things happen. And yes, while this may be true, these things happen to other people. Or they’re things you read about online on your iPhone while you’re waiting to see your OB. They’re not supposed to happen to you.

But then.

Then you remind yourself that all things considered, you are having a relatively easy pregnancy and things are so much worse for other women. You remind yourself that there are women who have TERRIBLE pregnancies, that are sick the entire time and you haven’t thrown up a single time. That gain 50, 60, 70+ lbs and you’re holding steady at a nice, comfortable 25lbs. Women that are put on bed rest while you’re still walking the mile from and to the train station each day and doing 45 minutes on the elliptical even though your nine months pregnant. Women with blotchy, acne-ridden puffy faces while you still have your cheeks bones and your skin looks just as good as ever – and you can’t really even recall a single pimple during your entire pregnancy.

You remind yourself that there are women who can not have children, who feel their bodies have betrayed them and would trade places with you in a second. And that you were sort-of-almost that woman a year ago and that you bitterly resented the pregnant woman that complained. Complained like you have now just done. You remind yourself that it’s almost over and at the end of this your reward will be a beautiful baby that you will get to hold close and nuzzle their cheeks and breathe in their smell. A baby that will sometimes only want you and no one else and how you can’t possibly imagine a better feeling in the world than that.

You remind yourself of these thing and it’s hard to do but you do it – despite the fact that your child is still sitting so high up with her head pressing against one side of your rib cage and her bottome against the other and as a result, your bra has tightened from the pressure and you can BARELY BREATHE and the first thing you’re going to do when you get off this train and get home is to rip off your bra and possibly even your jeans and you will grin ruefully at your husband when he can’t help but laugh as you walk around your house in a tshirt and underwear and a pair of slippers because it’s the middle of January and you need to at least keep your feet warm.

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2 Responses to The Missing Month

  1. flud22 says:

    Tawn,

    Although I can NEVER understand what you, Anna Lee or any other woman goes through, what I can tell you is, is that it’s worth it. Seeing A.L with Taylor gives me more happiness then when I hold her. You will forget all about being uncomfortable and love every second you spend with your little one!

  2. 🙂
    Complaints aside, I’m sure you’re still grinning a mile. I’m so excited for you and Tay.

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