I Should Have Switched Seats

I’m a creature of habit and I don’t much care for crowds so when I take the Go train in the morning and again in the evening, I always board the train in the very first (or last car) depending on the direction it’s travelling. The most western car, I suppose is the best way to describe it. It means when I get on the train in the morning I end up walking the entire length of the platform, and in the evening, when I get off the train, I end up once again walking it again but I do this because people, for the most part, are lazy and this particular car always feels less busy to me. Plus when the train pulls into Union Station it’s closest to a side exit that I discovered that leads out to this little side street just south of Front Street which takes me to Simcoe which I can walk north along until I get to Queen. Probably irrelevant information to most except it really does matter because this route and this side exit means I get to avoid Bay Street and the masses that jam it each day during rush hour and how, if you don’t keep pace with all the suits and briefcases you risk getting trampled. I also get to avoid going anywhere near Union Station and the hundreds and thousands of people that clog it with their stupid laptop suitcases that they are trollying along behind them and that I always almost trip over. Because they get in the way. And they’re stupid.

(And I’m not prepared to be sympathetic because laptops are heavy and too cumbersome. If it’s too heavy and cumbersome for you to carry on your shoulder, you should buy a lighter laptop. They exist. Like mine, which weighs 2.05 pounds (according to my kitchen scale) and fits in my handbag. Along with my lunch. And sometimes a book, depending on how hungry I am that day. But nevermind that, this is turning into a rant and I’m distracted).

So as I was saying. I always board the train at the western section of the platform, except sometimes I forget, like last week, when I forgot that I was going to be at training at the United Way all day and that instead of boarding the most western car, I should have been boarding the most Eastern car since I needed to head towards the United Way’s office which is at Yonge and Wellington instead of heading to work. And then last week, I was busy chatting with Tay when he dropped me at the station and by the time I got out of the car and punched my ticket, the train was already pulling in and I didn’t have near enough time to get to the end of the platform so I was forced to board where the majority of people board since they can never be bothered to walk even a few feet to the next car. I kind of half sighed and half groaned as I found my seat and knew that the car I was in was going to be really busy and there was probably going to be a lot of annoying social-type people that would see people they’d know and they would talk the entire time. By the time we got to the next station I had my Ipod turned on and was busy working away on my laptop, practically oblivious to the world until the seat beside me was taken.

And I very seriously debated changing my seat, not because the woman sitting next to me stunk of really bad perfume (although she did) but mostly because she was wearing a full length furcoat that was so utterly and completely obnoxious and rather terrifying because I felt immediately like I was sitting next to a giant stuffed animal (think taxidermist not Toys-R-Us) except it wasn’t quite an animal because her hair was pulled back into such a tight ponytail that it pulled all her features taut and made her face freakishly pointy.

I WOULD have changed my seat if I wasn’t in that damn middle car and all the other seats were mostly occupied. So instead I stayed put, and pulled out my phone and distracted myself with texting back and forth with Tay who laughed when I told him that I was sitting next to a silly woman wearing a furcoat and that I wondered if she knew it made her look like a raccoon.

And then Tay suggested I pee on her to mark my territory and I said I should because it would probably get me in the news.

And then I got scared because her coat had a hood which she pulled up and I told Tay that she looked like the thing from the Village which was really kind of frightening and as soon as the train doors opened I managed to escape by running away.

It’s not really funny because a few days before I ran into her? I’d missed the last train and was waiting for a bus that would take me downtown when I looked over and saw a POSSUM sitting on the tracks, with it’s long tail and pink claws and pointy face looking all so very menacing, as if it was watching me. I think the raccoon lady has begun an army and the possums are her generals and from what I can tell, no one is safe. Either that or the possum has the ability to turn into a raccoon lady who is very clearly stalking me.

Also, in case this blog needs a disclaimer (which is shouldn’t since it’s my blog) this is me, not really paranoid, just really, really tired having gotten maybe 4 hours sleep last night and leaving for work at 5:30am to go to work to serve breakfast to the homeless who were so damn contrary that next time, they’re not getting any fried bologna, at least not from me because I don’t care if they were out on the street doing crack all night long and are really, really hungry. I’ll be staying in my bed, thank you very much, where it’s nice and warm and then I’ll get up and eat some Special K.

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One Response to I Should Have Switched Seats

  1. Maybe the raccoon lady is actually hunting possums along the tracks and building her wardrobe up. Rat fur bras and possum panties. Sleepy be-damned. Sounds creepy to me too!

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