There Was So Much Testosterone I Had to Bake a Cake

A couple of weeks ago I was downstairs hanging out with Tay and for whatever reason, agreed to play one of his first-person shooter games with him. I didn’t last very long playing against him though as he’s an experienced gamer on so many levels and I was having so much difficulty getting used to the controls much less being able to locate him on the map, maneuver my gunman to where he was without him noticing, and then be able to shoot him. Didn’t help either that he was able to track me the entire time so when I’d come around the corner, looking at the sky or the ground rather than in his direction he’d take me out just like that. I got so frustrated at the unfair advantage that Tay eventually handicapped himself by only allowing himself to kill my gunman by blowing up cars that I was standing next too. And I was so terrible at the game that yes, he managed to eliminate me in this manner more often then you would think. I eventually gave up and told Tay that if he wanted me to play this type of game with him, then he’d have to find a game that we could play in co-op mode, where we’d work together to eliminate the bad guys rather than shooting each other.

A couple of days later, Tay came home with Ghost Recon, and now I’m hooked. It’s so much better to track down enemy soldiers and shoot them rather than my husband, and it turns out that I’m quite the sniper – not exactly stealthy (I have a bad habit of standing out in the open and looking down the scope of my sniper rifle) but Tay and I have a good arrangement where he clears the way for me and I lay low and take my time and line up my shots. Though I still have moments of panic when the enemy closes in on me and I start pressing buttons and bolt up right and start doing a 360 and just randomly shooting, until I run out of bullets. This is part of the reason why, when we play, Tay usually manages to eliminate twice as many enemies as I do.

On Saturday afternoon I let Tay convince me to try a game other than Ghost Recon and instead we played Gear of Wars and I lasted maybe an hour before I’d had enough of being startled by these crazy things that fell from the ceiling and that swarmed around my feet and made me shriek and start firing madly at the ground. It’s a much different game from Ghost Recon, mostly in that in seems less like guerrilla warfare – instead we were on some strange planet with alien type things and really big bugs that you needed the Hammer of Dawn to defeat. I didn’t like it at all but more than that, I was totally annoyed by the big brute like soldiers that were so tough it was (almost but not) funny, soldiers that said things like “Dooooood” and “Sweeet” and other manly things while lumbering around and shooting things. At least when we play Ghost Recon I get to make my character a girl, and she can even have a blond ponytail that sticks out the back if she wears a ball cap, but I rarely choose this option as I constantly have bullets whizzing past my head and safety takes precedence over fashion and so I wear full helmet gear.

I eventually got tired of playing Gears of War and turned to Tay and told him that there was just too much testosterone in the game and that I had to go bake a cake.

Which I did.

Dave and Jackie came over for dinner that night and when they asked what we’ve been up to lately, I had to tell them all about Ghost Recon and my new calling as a sniper and they were so surprised because they’d never seen me play any kind of shooting games before. They were so intrigued by the notion of it that after dinner, when we asked them what they wanted to do, Dave promptly said he wanted to see me in action playing some Ghost Recon.

It was probably 9 o’clock when we started playing – and almost 2 o’clock when we stopped. Tay watched Dave and I play for about an hour and a half (we only have two controllers for the 360)before he seemed to understand this could go on forever – every time Dave and I failed a mission I’d insist we needed to try again and pressed the ready button before Dave could argue – though to be fair, he seemed a willing participant. I was vaguely aware of Tay saying something about getting another controller at Blockbuster and it was only when I heard the garage door open that I understood he was going right then and there. Dave asked where Tay was going and I said he was going to get another controller and Dave started to laugh and I said, just wait, this is going to be so much fun, we’ll be able to shoot that many more soldiers with Tay playing with us.

I think my earlier comment to Tay about the testosterone must have sunk in, and maybe he really likes Gear of Wars and wanted to find a way to make it more female-friendly for me because when he came back from Blockbuster, he dangled this controller in front of me and said, “Like my new controller?”

I think I literally squealed (like a girl) when I saw the controller and tried to snatch it from his hands. It wasn’t charged though, and had to be hooked up to the console and using it would have meant giving up my prime sniper position on the couch so I let Tay play with it for the evening on the condition that it was MY controller and moving forward, I was the only allowed to use it. That said, I can’t imagine that many of Tay’s friends fighting me for it. And when I’m not playing, I can almost see them fighting each other over who will get stuck with such a girly-pink controller.

As for the cake, it was lemon poppy seed that didn’t turn out, it was much too dry, possibly for a number of reasons (I didn’t have enough ground almond so I had to half the recipe, or I mixed the batter too long, or the oven rack wasn’t locked in place properly and the rack slanted forward in the middle of the baking and so did my cake) but if I had to lay blame for one specific reason as to why my cake didn’t turn out, I’d have to blame all that testosterone. I’m not worried though because now that I have my pink controller? All that testosterone, which previously would travel from the game, through the console up through the controller and into me? It’s going to hit my pink controller and it’s going to COMBUST into a pink cloud of fairy dust.

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4 Responses to There Was So Much Testosterone I Had to Bake a Cake

  1. Taylor says:

    Well the reason I wanted to play Gears of War because it supports drop-in/drop-out co-op in the campaign mode which I find is much more entertaining than playing a small map with random placement of 25 to 50 bad guys to just run around and clean up. With the story you have a sense of purpose, a need to change weapons for various problem solving scenarios, etc… since you are playing a story, with a central character (Marcus Fenix) they’re trying to turn into a franchise, those are the cards your dealt with to play the story. But outside of who you play, yeah the game is definately a war-is-hell, battle hardened kind of deal. Anyhow of the games we have, that are shooters, that’s the only one with a proper campaign mode co-op.Anyhow Rainbox Six: Vegas 2 due out in about 5-6 weeks will have drop-in/drop-out co-op which will be nice.I think Halo 3 supports it too, as well as Halo 2, so that might be incentive for me to finally start playing that series of games. Course with another 360 in the house we could play in online play against 4 to 10 other players in teams which can be a lot of fun too.

  2. Tina says:

    Shooting people with a pink controller is wrong and disturbing on so many levels. 🙂

  3. Jody says:

    OMG. I’ve seen it all now. Reading this made me think of Paintballing – it’d be awesome to have a go at that eh? I loved playing it with my husband, but made sure we were on the same team 😉

  4. Fern Wimpley says:

    Words cannot explain the hilarity that is you.

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