…This is what my life has become.
I’m not complaining in any way, but it has been a bit of a challenge to slow myself down, to retrain myself, to allow myself to sit still and not feel guilty about it. The days following my surgery have been more of an inconvenience then anything else – still swollen and finding it difficult to talk but still no pain. I’m very fortunate in that I’m very comfortable for the most part and last night I actually slept through the night. Each day is better than the day before.
I’ve spent the past two mornings curled on the couch in the living room, buried under a blanket and just listening to music…drifting in and out of sleep, waking to hear the music that I love and then fading away again. When Tay comes downstairs and sees me motionless and inquires as to what I’m doing, I tell him that I’m just listening to music. Something that I haven’t done in such a long time – the music I’ve heard in the past few months has always been background music – music while I run, while I drive, while I work, while I cook or clean the house. It’s been a very long time since I’ve just sat and listened to music. Sat and enjoyed it and really heard it.
The other week, I was listening to the radio as I got ready to go to work and they were debating if they had to give up music or movies, which would they give up. I went into Tay’s office to ask him, because his love of music has always been so evident, but so has his love for movies so I was curious to know which he would chose. His choice, if forced, was to give up music and I’m not really surprised, one only has to look at our collection of movies in comparison to our collection of music and the answer I suppose is apparent.
I thought about it, and what I would chose…thought of all the movies that I’ve seen in my lifetime, all the TIFF screenings, all the movies that have made me cry and laugh and smile. But then I thought about the music of my life…the music that has always been a backdrop to every little thing and the way certain songs can cause me to relive a moment in a matter of seconds.
And then I think of all the movies that I’ve seen and how one of the things I always listen for is the soundtrack – a good soundtrack can often make or break a movie for me, and a well chosen song in a movie can be pivotal – we saw Snow Cake at TIFF last month and hearing Tori Amos softly playing during one particular scene brought that screen moment to life for me. It’s one of the moments that stood out most to me long after the movie ended.
My love of reading is probably the only thing that could allow me give up movies if I had to chose. I look at movies as books which are brought to life through another person’s imagination rather than my own. I love watching movies that are based on books and seeing how one person’s imagination differs from my own, but I more love the movies that I have no reference to, movies that I have not been predispositioned to. Could I give up original, thought-provoking movies though? As an avid reader I think I could…there’s a world filled with books that are waiting to be read, and they’re all so readily available.
Thank god I don’t have to chose, but music..I don’t think I could give it up, not ever. The past couple of days have reminded me of this, just sitting and listening has been so good for me, so good for my body, for my mind. Hours upons hours of just sitting and listening, or listening while I do the other things I love.
And you? If you had to chose?
“I think I should have no other mortal wants, if I could always have plenty of music. It seems to infuse strength into my limbs and ideas into my brain. Life seems to go on without effort, when I am filled with music.” – George Eliot (1819 – 1880)