I Must Be Out of My Freaking Mind, But Here Goes

Another friend approached me this weekend about a dilemma she’s facing and hesitantly asked me if I would consider posting about it on my blog because she’s really not sure what to do. She’s been watching the comments on my last poll and I think she seriously debated whether she should ask me to do this for her but she saw the flood of response that I got from my last poll, so I guess she wants in on the action.

Me, the demented person that I am, said “Sure! Why not! This will be so much fun!”

Seriously, much safer subject, or so I think. Or not. You be the judge.

Again, your opinion only please.

Backstory:
My friend was out a couple of weeks ago with her girlfriends and a group of guys approached them and began chatting them up. One guy in particular approached my friend who was glammed up for a night out – her hair was down, she had on her big funky sunglasses, and probably looked nothing like she normally does. The guy began openly flirting with her, clearly not recognizing HER but she recognized HIM – he’s engaged to be married to a close friend of her and her husband’s.

My friend waited for the moment when he would recognize her but it never came and the flirting continued. Eventually the two groups parted ways, but my friend indicated that had the girls invited the guys to join them, it would have happened because it was obvious that that the group of guys were looking for some fun.

Two days later, the fiancee of the guy in question called my friend and they had a conversation – and she waited for her friend to mention that her fiance had ran into her the other night but it didn’t come up. My friend hung up the phone, assuming that the phone call confirmed that the guy had not recognized her and had indeed been flirting with her as if she was just some girl on the street.

Question:
Does my friend make a big deal of this situation? Does she say something privately to him the next time she sees him or does she say something privately to her friend? Does she ignore it and pretend that it hadn’t happen? And if you were in the fiancee’s position, would you want to know about something like this?

My Response:
I told my friend to bring it up next time she sees the couple together and to tease him about it and say something like, “We ran into each other a couple of weeks ago and you totally didn’t recognize me, did you?” Chances are, the guy will be like, “What? When? Where?” And SHE can say, “We were on X street, I was with my girlfriends, you were with your friends…” And then leave it at that. I would think the guy’s response would dictate his fiancee’s response and if SHE’s paying attention, she’ll be all over the fact that her fiance was out one night chatting up her girl friend and she’ll either call him on it right then and there (which could be awkward) or she’ll call him on it in private. Either or, the information’s been provided casually and my friend can be off the hook.

Any other opinions?

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2 Responses to I Must Be Out of My Freaking Mind, But Here Goes

  1. Tawny says:

    eden (http://piggyhawk.blogspot.com) @ 07/10/2006 18:16: I think it depends on what came/comes of the flirting. What she called “flirting” he might’ve called “being friendly.” If he called her & said, “I’m totally single. let’s shag,” maybe she should tell the friend. If she feels she has to say something about it maybe she should say, to them together, something like “You’re so lucky. He’s a really friendly guy. We talked & talked and I don’t think you recognized me but you were certainly friendly anyway.” If the reaction is a laughing, “Oh he does that all the time,” I assume she knows. If the gf bristles or he tries to give her a “shut up” signal, it could be trouble. In any case it the friend’s responsiblity to get further answers from her guy.BTW: This character limit on blogextra really chaffes my cheese 😉 Why don’t you use Blogger’s commenting system?Tina (http://www.littlepieceoftexas2.blogspot.com) @ 07/10/2006 20:56: I would have to agree. It would all depend on what she considers “flirting”. He may have just been being friendly and didn’t realize he was doing anything wrong. I think bringing it up casually is the best thing, becuase it if was MORE than just being friendly and if it was ME I would feel guilty NOT saying anything. I would want to know if it was my fiance.Anna Lee (http://insanertime@blogspot.com) @ 07/10/2006 21:14: First off Barratt, I’m shocked you even posted another poll, you must be glutton for punishment;) Secondly, what kind of guy is out flirting with women, when he’s engaged??? A player that’s who! I for one would want to know if I were the fiancee of this dude, but it does have to be done in a sensitive/non-confrontational type of way. Tawny (http://www.locobellatuna.blogspot.com) @ 07/10/2006 22:37: Sal – what? You want me to switch commenting systems and lose all the lovely, lively comments I’ve received in the past?? Seriously, I know the commenting system sucks – but can I switch to blogger’s without erasing my entire comment history?Stace (http://www.crazyfistshaker.blogspot.com) @ 07/10/2006 23:02: Something doesn’t strike me as being right here.Like, why didn’t she say something when she recognized him? Was she waiting to see if he’d recognize her, meaning she was liking the attention? The main advice I would have, is too late. She should have made him realize it was here the second he started talking to her, that way all of this comflict could have been solved. Otherwise, I’d say tell the fiance. Casually mention that she ran into so and so whilst out the other night. That was she can save herself the awkwardness of saying it infront of the guy (if it was flirting), and the fiance will more than likely mention to her fiance that “Hey, so and so saw you downtown the other night and said you didn’t recognize her.” However, at the same time, HE may wonder why SHE didn’t say anything. That’s all. Stupid limit.Heather () @ 07/10/2006 23:03: First off, your friend should have said something right off the bat. Who lets this situation happen?…hmm, lets see how much more flirting he will do with me…it makes me feel so much better about myself to have my friends fiance hit on me. She should have said, I’m your fiances friend, like a normal person would when the recognize someone they know! Now it’s clearly too late for that, I lean towards your suggestion Tawny, although it does make your friend look like an ass for not saying anything in the first place. They are also clearly not that good of friends that this womans fiance didn’t recognize her, so why does she care? Justification for childish behaviour? I think your friend and I are very different people. If she feels so strongly about it, then yes, approach the friend. Either way, it’s going to be awkward….when it could never have been. Just read the comments, I agree with Stace. Reading comments again, realizing this 400 limit has put stacey and myself in a comment battle with the time of posting. Our comments are broken up. THIS 400 LIMIT SUCKS ASS…but not yours Tawny, it’s too good for that.Tawny (http://www.locobellatuna.blogspot.com) @ 07/10/2006 23:17: Point taken, but I think maybe a little harsh towards my friend. If anything, I don’t think she was LIKING the attention, but I think was probably more shocked by it. As far as I know, she’s not very fond of this guy that her friend is marrying, and perhaps she was just waiting to see what he would do. Maybe testing him to see if he was going to prove her suspicions true?T.O. Kid () @ 07/11/2006 07:43: Good topic. I think I would have been in your friend’s shoes too… she’s not in the wrong for letting it carry on. I think I would probably mention to her friend that she was talking to her fiance one night and let her confront him on it… if he has nothing to hide it won’t matter. And flirting does not always indicate intent to cheat. How many people here can say they have never flirted with a coworker, or server in a restaurant, or a friend? If it’s innocent fun then no one would be hurt. At most parties I go to with my significant other we both flirt with friends at the party and it doesn’t bother either of us. It lets us both know we are still able to attract other’s attention. But I have to recommend that she not define where his intent was to her friend. She cannot assume anything was meant by it, unless he gave her contact info or propositioned her… and even then I don’t know if it’s worth possibly losing a friend over telling her. Some people know their partner cheats on them and is not ready to admit it to themselves and wouldn’t do anything about it anyway.Heather () @ 07/11/2006 08:12: Harsh Smarsh. What is she going to tell her friend? “Listen so and so, the other night I saw your fiance and he was flirting with me and I didn’t say anything because I wanted to see how far it would go.” Jods (http://www.crazyfistshaker.blogspot.com) @ 07/11/2006 08:38: I don’t know if I should say anything at all, being Queen of Flirts., but I take my marriage very seriously. Maybe he has alawys been a big flirt, and she knows it and is fine with it, as is Andy with me. If he had gone home to party with them, it would have been a sign that maybe not all is well, but again, unelss he DID someting out of order, I don’t think its that big of a deal. I still didn’t answer your question – I think your friend should leave it, unless she sees something similar again and confronts it head on – i.e your man is a big flirt eh? Every relationship is different and couples have varying degrees of trust issues. Eden got it right in the very first comment 🙂 Or so I think.Taylor () @ 07/11/2006 16:55: Some of you guys need help. The one who was flirted with (or who perceived to have been flirted with) has no obligations to do anything in the moment. Obviously this person is concerned with the fact it was “too friendly” knowing he was engaged. I would totally have kept covert to see really where this guy was coming from. How is leading the guy a problem? If he goes there with her, he’s gonna go there (or further) with someone else. Then she knows how bad it is or could be. If she ups and says “Hey Dipshit.. it’s me”, then who knows what the guys INTENT would have been. As it is, I have to agree with the outsider w/no name, that if she does decide to “meddle”, she should not indicate intent unless it was explicitly given. Otherwise it’s her interpretation. I mean I’m pretty flirty with girls (with no intent to bed them), even in front of my wife and I’m married. It could just be a character thing. You also haver to keep in mind, when a guy’s around other guy’s, he’s gonna get a little out of hand.Player () @ 07/11/2006 17:15: If I may comment, as the friend of Tawny’s, who is responsible for the poll. My husband and I are very good friends with this guy’s fiancee, have been for years. He has just come into the picture in the past 2 years, and though we have been out with them numerous times, I by no means would consider him a friend independent of his fiancee. As for why I would not have said “Hey, dude it’s me!” I had not realized that the guy did not know me b/c I had initally walked out behind my 2 friends and said “Hi Simon!” and thought he had heard me but it wasn’t until we left the group of guys that I realized we had not talked about his fiancee or my husband AND my friends did not get the impression that he knew me.T.O. Kid () @ 07/12/2006 07:58: I gotta say it… Play on Player

  2. Mrs. Shanton says:

    Tread carefully. If the GF is engaged to a player, she’s missing all sorts of signals. And then she’s probably the type who will BLAME HER FRIEND for flirting with her fiance, not the other way around. A lost friendship could result. Some women are SO stupid when it comes to men. They just don’t want to see any fault in their man–it’s everyone else’s fault.

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