A Poll Of Sorts

So when me and Anna Lee were out running the other day, she asked me how often I talk to my mother – apparently, she’s trying to determine what the average is for a lot of people, regardless of whether or not you live in the same city or if your parents are long distance. I’ll be the first one to admit that I’m not as dedicated to staying in touch with my mom as I should be, and I know that more often than not it’s my mom who calls me rather than me calling her. It’s something that I know I have to work on and the fact that I really don’t like talking on the phone does not apply here because it’s my mother after all, but honestly, I would much rather chat online, email, text message, or, well, communicate through blogs ;).

That said, I was embarrassed to admit to Anna Lee that I would say, on average, I talk to my mother probably every couple of weeks. Every 10 days tops. And I talk to my father even less. Yes, it’s shocking, I know. Yes, I could be a better daughter. Yes, I’ll try to call home more often. Anyhow, moving on.

So to help Anna Lee in her pursuit of information, I thought that I would pose the question on my blog:

How often do you talk to your mom (or dad) on the phone? If you are living with them, or they’re living with you, prior to that arrangement, how often did you talk?

(I can just imagine Eden’s answer to this question :).

Alternatively, most of the people that read my blog keep their own blogs – so then my next question is this – do your parents know about your blog(s), and if so, do they read them?

PS. Saw the cardiologist this morning and he told me that my everything about my heart checked out fine – the heart monitor, the loop monitor, the ultrasound. *I* could have told him that, but I digress, I’m certainly not a cardiologist. While we were sitting and talking about my very normal test results, he looked at my chart for a bit and asked me what was going on, why did I have to reschedule 5 times. I looked at him for a short moment, and then said, very casually, that I was quite sure that I hadn’t rescheduled 5 times. He looked back at my chart and I said, I rescheduled twice. He conceded that okay, yes it wasn’t 5 times (a small victory, but a victory nonetheless) and then he asked why I had to cancel so often. So I gave him the short version about what’s happening at work and he seemed to understand – asked if I thought the added stress was affecting my heart at all and I assured him that it wasn’t – it might be affecting a lot of things, but my heart isn’t one of them. Anyhow, he sent me on my merry way, and invited me to check back with him in case I should notice anything irregular about my heart… I guess that means I haven’t been quite blackballed by his office but his receptionist certainly wasn’t very friendly when I came in or as I was leaving. Oh well ;).

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One Response to A Poll Of Sorts

  1. Tawny says:

    Jods (http://www.crazyfistshaker.blogspot.com) @ 07/05/2006 15:20: At the most – every second day, at the least – once a week. Usually its every 3 days or so, depends on what is going on in life I guess. Most people thought this would drop off over time, (Mom included) but it hasn’t. I just like feeling connected to home. Always have I suppose, even when I based myself in Halifax a few times i.e. at Rob’s, Shannon’s.Taylor (http://www.locobellatuna.blogspot.com) @ 07/05/2006 17:23: What a f’king waste of time that was. “5 times”, what an ass. Bloody Doctors think they’re gods yet they’re ignorant about more than they arn’t. Jagoff was just looking for another way to bill the tax payers.Taylor (http://www.locobellatuna.blogspot.com) @ 07/05/2006 17:25: As for the parental contact thing.. your life is the one that changes, it’s up to them to call you. I mean, it’s the least she can do considering you’re the one that does all the visiting. Has she actually complained? Then don’t worry. She has 4 other kids, siblings and a husband. Yeesh. Conversations are more meaningful if they’re rare anyhow.ALB () @ 07/05/2006 18:00: Spoken like a true man/guy…r u an only child too? So Taylor, tell me something, are you saying if you only speak to a family member,–say, your wife–once a week, then that’s more meaningful???? Sheila () @ 07/05/2006 19:07: In answer to your question ..when Dawn was in Korea we spoke at least once a week ..I read her Blog, Jody’s blog and your blog sometimes and I think I would be very hurt and very angry if any husband of Dawns spoke of Gary or me like Taylor has of your Mom here. Family is very important I hope you don’t find that out the hard way.Taylor (http://www.locobellatuna.blogspot.com) @ 07/06/2006 08:03: Umm, look, what I said is in response to Tawny believing that she has some kind of obligation to phone her mother/parents at some set frequency, based on what other people say (or will say). Nothing I said isn’t reality. If Tawn’s mother’s the one that does the majority of the calling, she shouldn’t feel too upset because Tawny’s the one that does the majority of the visiting….Gina is not alone, she does not NEED Tawnys phone calls like some other mothers in other situations would. In the end, Tawny just doesn’t have *that* relationship with her mother. So instead of worrying what other people do and trying to find where she sits on the “grateful daughter” scale, she should just look at her relationship with her mother and decide, based solely on that, whether she meets her or her mothers needs in terms of communication frequency. Tawny is not AnnaLee, she’s not Jody, she’s not Dawn (and I’m not Dawns husband). As for answering Tawny’s “poll”. I’m a single child. My father is divorced but is in a long-term relationship right now. My maternal mother stopped communicating with me when I was five, and my fathers last wife spent her years comparing everything I did and how my father related to it, to her own kids. So needless to say, there’s no mother to talk to. As for my Father, I talk to him about once every couple weeks. Now, if I looked at everyone elses relationships with their parent(s), I would probably find myself on the low end of the call-frequency scale. But reality is, my father and I understand each other well. We’re both, in general, men of few words. When I want to talk to him because “it’s been a while” (which I translate to “I wonder how things are?”), I pick up the phone and call. But I don’t look at the calendar, and realize, I haven’t talked to him “yet this week” and then force myself to make some meaningless phone call. If something happens that I want to share with him, I call. Same goes for him. If my father made a significant effort to be in touch with me and my day to day life and I didn’t reciprocate, that would be one thing (this applies to Tawny as well). But that’s not what’s happening, in either case.What does this mean? Well it means, I’m really not “friends” with my Father and Tawny’s not “friends” with her mother. Don’t like the word “friends”? Then replace with “best friends”. If my father was still nearby, I suspect that would change as I’m sure it would for Tawny because that’s her or my relationship with our parent. No one else’s relationship with their parents should matter. That’s all.Tina (http://www.littlepieceoftexas2.blogspot.com) @ 07/06/2006 09:30: Wow. Well put Taylor.Caius () @ 07/06/2006 11:03: “We’re both, in general, men of few words” says Taylor after posting 8 consecutive feedback entries 🙂 Just kidding but I thought it was funny. I talk to my mom everyday. Now that she’s watching Simona I see her every day too. The once a day phone call used to anoy me at times and I thought it would get on my nerves to see her everyday but on the contrary, I really quite enjoy it. It’s nice!andy () @ 07/06/2006 12:19: Well what a lively topic this has become.. Personaly and i speak ONLY for myself, we who communicate vua the blog etc are wait for it…… A D U L T S. Surely taylor you are equally adept to pick up the phone and call John or Gina and say HELLO. Some may call its a matter of courtesy (NOT an obligation) No one is obligated to do anything they do not wish to do you and me included. However, its not THEIR obligation to call you or tawny. They do it because they genuinely care about you guys. When / if you have children you will expect THEM to call you.. to pick them up, to know where they are..etc..etc.. so im quite sure that the “obligation” issue is a 2 way issue not 1 way as you portray it.. maybe, one day you will be what Gina and John are a caring and devoted parent.Communication is always evolving..but just to pick up the phone and hear a familiar voice and say some meaningful words to many people mean so much when visiting is not an option for whatever reason. Jods llives 4000 miles away.. and for me she can call home everyday.. do i care. NO.. because i know that 2 important people in my life are happy and thats enough for me… ok enough said..byeJods (http://www.crazyfistshaker.blogspot.com) @ 07/06/2006 13:59: Sorry your poll hasn’t received the result you were probably aiming for kid….Dawn () @ 07/06/2006 16:33: I think frequency, obligation, ALL that BS is just white noise. “…the least she could do.”?! You’re right, you’re not my husband. Because anyone I marry would respect my family in PRIVATE and most definitely in A PUBLIC FORUM. Gina would be mortified. And frankly, so am I.Tina (http://www.littlepieceoftexas2.blogspot.com) @ 07/06/2006 16:46: Oh my.T.O. Kid () @ 07/07/2006 07:40: I agree you should not feel obligated to call your family, it should just be a natural occurance. I speak to my parents on a minimum weekly basis and not out of obligation, but I miss having them in my day to day life. I understand not everyone has the same bond with their parents, but if you do not have a valuable relationship with your family what are you living your life for? Are you working your ass off in a seperate city for material things? If something happened to one of your parents would you be willing to uplift your life and go home to support your remaining family? If no then maybe you should cut off your relationship all together… as far as I am concerned family that only shows up when they want to isn’t worth having. In re-reading what I said maybe it’s a bit harsh… but honestly, I agree with Sheila that what was said about Tawny’s mother is inappropriate no matter how strongly you feel about the situation. You should keep those comments to yourself because privately your wife may be a little hurt. I would be if anyone ever spoke of my family that way, not matter how I felt personally.Taylor (http://www.locobellatuna.blogspot.com) @ 07/07/2006 14:58: I think it’s absolutely f#$*ing APPALING that any of you people think you have some kind of right to tell me what life is about, what family is about. In the interest of sparing Tawny more hateful comments towards her husband. All I’ll say is. You missed the point – Shes my wife, I commented to her, I know the situation better than anyone, I have every right – I didn’t say anything to you, or about you – Your continued posts are evidence of hypocrasy and I’m sure undesired by Tawny – Tawny used words like ‘should’ and ’embarassed’, there’s no imbalance for her to say those things.I would like to respond to Andy’s stuff, mostly because I suspect it probably won’t result in fanning the flames. Courtesy and Obligation walk a tightrope together. I personally feel obligation to be courteous. It’s how I was raised. I do not have much of a relationship with Gina or John, therefore there’s not much to be said. I do unto others and therefore, I refuse to instigate small talk. I will, out of Courtesy, respond to it, but I will not issue it unless I’m extremely uncomfortable. I also, personally, don’t really like phones. There’s no substitute for face to face interaction.I notice Jody recently commented/complained about formality in England, perhaps this is why you would feel it necessary to pick up the phone under your own power and speak to your in-laws because it’s “What good in-laws do” or something. Yet my upbringing/environment never put that idea in my head. That said, you may simply do it out of desire, or for your wife, or habit, whatever. As long as your happy. It’s all good.But Tawny was suggesting she’s not pleased with the situation. As if her mother may be hurt by the infrequency. And that’s where my comments come in. If Gina wants to know what’s happening in Tawny’s life, it’s HER responsibility to call. Tawny shows effort and love for her family every 6-12 months by taking time off work, money out of pocket to visit and to assist family in visiting. Andy, when Jody’s 4000 miles away (and your kids aren’t at home) you’re alone. And even though your mother’s around the corner, it’s still a totally different situation than the still full nest in Beaverbank.andy () @ 07/07/2006 15:34: Taylor… im not going to fall out with you and make deroigatory comments because its not what i am saying and its not what i am about.. i am sure you know me enough now to know this.. Personally i think you have missed the point completely and have been offensive to both shelia and in your previous remarks towards Tawnys parents. For what its worth if u value any opinion, you have projected yourself to be a total and complete ass and its something that i never expected from you. I think your opinions about tawnys parents are well known, however downing them “at will” because you can is not a good projection on you… you should keep them private not in publicanyhow..enough.. see you soon in N.S…and… dont be sooooo offensive because someone else gives an opinion, KO KID, Shelia, etc…afterall, you expect your opinions to be heard too Taylor () @ 07/07/2006 16:52: Look I umm.. said I wasn’t going to continue this here, so I’m going to stand by that.flud22 () @ 07/07/2006 17:54: i meant to comment on this topic originally, so i will ignore all the other posts and say…..i think guys are generally different then women. i almost never call my mother, but anna lee and i go over for dinner almost every sunday. as for my dad, it depends on the time of year. in the winter we see each other weekly at hockey and summer it can go up to 2 weeks. and when it is 2 weeks….thaz when the phone call occurs. sometimes i make the call and other times it’s my dad. as for anna lee chatting with her mom everyday….i say go ahead. her mother lives in the soo and they only see each other 3-4 times a year.eden (http://piggyhawk.blogspot.com) @ 07/08/2006 17:34: If it were up to me, I’d talk once or twice a month to Flora, once a week to Callie (we also exchange e-mails on weekdays). If it were up to Flora, she’d call every day and talk nonsense for an hour. My dad hands the phone over pretty much. BTW: Tay needs his own blog. Geezy creezy.

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