Why I’m Totally FREAKING Out
I eventually got a second orthodontics opinion back in July and the orthodontist and his assistant spent just over two hours with me, giving me information and answering my questions. They worked out a payment plan that required no money up front and the orthodontist said nothing that was remotely insensitive to me. In fact, after we spoke in great length, he looked at me and said, “You said something to me today that will make me a better doctor.”

From there I was referred to the oral surgeon that they use on another floor, and booked an appointment for a consultation. That appointment was in August and went well – I was comfortable with the surgeon and surprised by the cost of surgery (I now have plenty of credit to cover costs like these.)

In the beginning of September I went and had X-rays, photos and molds of my teeth taken.

And now, on Thursday, I’m getting braces.

And I’m freaking out. Not a little, but a LOT.

I’ve been getting different responses from different people. Tay is being totally supportive and my dentist is so proud of me and promises me that when my treatment is done (approximately two years from now, start to finish) that I’m going to wish I had done it sooner. When I tell some people, they say, “Good for you!”instead of asking me why I’m doing it.

And there are people that are asking me why, and bless them for doing so, but they insist there is nothing wrong with how I look, and that I’m being too hard on myself.

Most interesting though is the comments that I’m going to be a totally different person. At first I was puzzled by those comments and slightly taken a back but then I thought about it and realized that they’re right – when the braces come off and I’ve healed from the surgery, I am going to be a different person but more than how I will look, it’ll be how I will FEEL.

I won’t subconsciously talk to a person straight on because I’m embarassed by my profile.

I won’t be self-conscious of my overbite when I’m in a crowd of people and forced to talk at great length.

I won’t hide from video cameras because they catch me at a bad angle.

My self-esteem will improve, as will my self-confidence and my self-image.

So as much as I’m freaking out, a part of me wonders if it’s excitement that I feel. I’ve been waiting A LONG time for this and lived through more teasing and cruelty than ANY child should ever experience. I have no dillusions that this decision will fix my past but do I think it’s worth it for the different person that I will most likely become?

You better believe it.

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