I Don’t Regret Doing This, But I’m Not Convinced It Wasn’t Futile
Today is, of course, Sandra’s birthday – she turns 28 today. I don’t think her birthday last year was all that nice, so, after speaking to some length to my mother, I decided that I would call her today. I didn’t get a hold of her, and I debated leaving her a message but in the end I decided to do so – at least that way, she knows that I was thinking of her and wishing her well on this day.
Renu () @ 07/07/2005 08:43:
Happy Birthday Sandra !
Jody () @ 07/07/2005 09:02:
I don’t know what to say – you haven’t surprised me, let’s put it that way. I won’t say much more than that here – I will ring you sometime soon. But you are a true sister to sandra, I only hope she is smart enough to recognise this. I love you.
Taylor () @ 07/07/2005 12:20:
Meh. You know I don’t have siblings, though I did through marriage and my relationship with them, as well as my relatives (in blood) worked the same way. Family means you should be able to tell someone they’re being an asshole (i.e. out of line) and they SHOULD respect that enough that they fix the problem or apologize. Neither has happened here and it is a reoccuring theme with your family where you guys sweep everything under the rug or talk about it behind one anothers backs, but never to each other. That said, Tawny did confront, a few times, Sandra, and that I am proud of her for doing. My concern is “time heals wounds” and without what’s required of Sandra, I don’t see anything good coming out of this. I think Tawny is overly sentimental at times. I see no reason why time shouldn’t allow them to be civil in each others company (family events, etc). but being “sisters” IMO is a two way street. Otherwise the person on the one side is just some asshole you’re related to.
Tawny (http://www.locobellatuna.blogspot.com) @ 07/07/2005 12:54:
I think that all anybody expects at this point is for Sandra and I to be civil with each other and I think that enough time has passed to allow for that. I certainly don’t expect that we will ever be close again, too much has happened to really allow for that. That said, I don’t know that she is really close with any of our family. I called her on her birthday because it seemed to be the right thing to do. Nobody pressured me into doing it, and I did it more for me than for anybody else. I wouldn’t be surprised if nothing results from this, and I wouldn’t be surprised if come Christmas, it’s the same thing – me calling and leaving her a message or sending a card, and getting no acknowledgement. I can live with that.
Taylor () @ 07/07/2005 15:54:
But that’s my point. You’ll continue to keep on making compromises or “giving” and she will more than likely continue on her selfish path. Why do it? To make you feel better than her? Under the circumstances, do you really need to do that to prove that? Isnt’ giving (in all it’s forms), is supposed to be a selfless act anyhow, therefore one should give to make others feel better, not oneself.
Jody () @ 07/08/2005 04:10:
Tawny is just a loving person… and families are difficult at the best of times. I however don’t think its fair to lump us all together – we are individuals in our family and I’ve always said what I thought – to everyone’s face. My parents have too, for the most part – that’s why feelings have been ‘hurt’ in the past and we do get over it. Families aren’t easy, but you take what you get.
What has ensued due to Sandra’s ‘rejection’ of Tawny’s efforts to make things right, have affected all of us, and the biggest loser ultimately ends up being Sandra. Sandra obviously doesn’t share our feelings about ‘family’. She basically has no relationship with her family and it is sad – taylor is right -you should be able to express your feelings without fear of being rejected… but on the other hand, how much are you expected to take in respect to ‘family’? It shouldn’t be open license to constantly be hurt or rejected. People can only take so much. But how much we are willing to take, or how far we are willing to go to resolve something is down to the individual. I’ve tried to point out to Sandra what is happening as a result of her behavior to the point of not bothering anymore because I know what happens with Sandra when you tell her something she doesn’t like, and although I never really see/talk to her, it will ultimately make the situation even worse. I could say this was Tawny and Sandra’s fight and none of us should be involved – but then again that’s yet another factor of being part of a family. Individual fallouts affect us all, wether directly or indirectly.
Taylor () @ 07/11/2005 09:02:
Well I’m a little torn as to anyone elses involvement with this issue. I think it’s probably made things worse, but only because Sandra seems incapable of separating what’s important from whats trivial. I did my part at the time, I called them on the bullshit and the only thing I want to hear from either of them before anything else is an apology. I think from Sandra’s perspective she sees everyone else is against her, as I expect she’s always felt this way. Whether justly or not, I have no doubt that’s true based on my expeirence with the way your family “works”. But once again, her inability to deal with the real problem.. is well.. the problem here. Again, not a defense of Sandra, but I believe Brad (not as a person but as an entity) is very much to blame for the situation here. Sandra was quite “normal” when living with us, without anyone else around to, I guess, influence her. However as soon as they got together, a lot of Sandra did a 180. She gained every pound she lost, and more in a fairly short period of time, and we basically became ghosts to her and didn’t see her for quite a while. She then owed us money (which she was pretty dilligent about paying us pre-Brad) and then this whole “mystery” boyfriend bullshit occured. The fact that she believed, or was convinced, in my doing them both a favor in booking their room, that I maliciously decided not to leave my CC # with the desk so they could charge incidentals was just assinine. I mean, it wasn’t even an option when booking. Then to use that as an excuse not to contact us the whole time, skip out on “hen night”, etc..etc.. well, we already know the story. It’s just that every time I think about it why this situation occured, I’m reaffirmed how not only did we not do anything wrong, we have also handled it properly.
Jody () @ 07/12/2005 10:43:
I’ll give you this – you are bascially on the mark when it comes to Sandra and her behaiviour – you know her well enough and have spent enough time with her to call her on that. Sandra has always had more of a selfish streak in her than us other girls. Our brother has it too I fear