Today is John’s birthday – I just got off the phone with him after what must have been months of no real contact. We caught up a bit – but most of all, the call brought to the forefront of my thoughts the memories that I have of him – the best being the times the two of us used to do the hour walk to the convenience store in below zero temperatures so that we could rent videos and get pepperoni and chips to snack on. I don’t even think it was so much about the videos and the food as it was about us getting out of the house and just talking about anything and everything as we walked. I would have been about 20 at the time, and John 14 – despite everything that may exist now, my brother helped me through a difficult time in my life (Tay being in CO that year) and there is no forgetting that.
My mood this evening is one of melancholy – I described it to Tay earlier as that feeling you used to have as a kid when the weekend has come to an end and your faced with going back to school the next day. The weather outside seems to suit my mood – I have the window in the bedroom open and I can hear the wind and the rain – I’m looking forward to the feeling of curling in bed under my blankets. Not sure where this mood stems from, but I have been feeling sad and weepy since watching My Life Without Me with Tay earlier. That in itself could (and should) be enough except that I have been thinking about the movie and, more specifically, the list she creates of the things she needs to do before she dies. I don’t know.. I think if everyone were to sit down and write a similiar list, people might complain less and love a little more.
My list begins as follows (with my reserving the right to change it ;).
Things to Do Before I Die
– Be grateful for all I have, and share what I do have with those that don’t have the same.
– Laugh more
– Know when to change the things in my life that are preventing my happiness
– Understand and accept my friends and family for who they are, and love them regardless
– Understand myself for who I am and love myself regardless
– Be a good wife to Taylor
– Be a good mother
– Stop denying myself my writing and write more
– Take more bubble baths, read more books, eat the foods I love, appreciate the rain, swim in the ocean, drive fast on an empty highway.
I came back to meme!
Sunday, March 14
What’s In A Name
1. Do you like your name? Yes – after many years of disliking it for it’s oddness, I now love it for it’s uniqueness.
2. Are you named after anyone? No.
3. Do you have a nickname? If yes, what is it? Tawn, mostly, but I inherited Tuna from Jody (and Jody only!) :).
4. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? Other than changing my name when I get married, I’ve had no desire to change it.
5. What is the most interesting name of your friends or someone you know? Definitely Caius.