The Lady Vanishes

This morning I woke to slushy, snowy roads and freezing rain. While backing out of the driveway, I inadvertently went off course and ended up in the corner of the snow bank and promptly got stuck. After a few failed attempts to free myself, I accepted my imprisonment and got out to get the shovel. So while I’m shovelling, The Shovel Queen comes over to see the mess I have gotten myself into (Do I need to mention that HER driveway is spotless?). She decides to offer me her advice, tells me to get in, give it some gas, she’ll push me from behind. I think, Why not? I get in, she gets behind, I apply gas. And then thump. I look in my rearview mirror, *whoosh* she’s not there. She fell. Hard too, by the sound of it.

So I get out, (she’s gotten to her feet by then and seems okay). I thank her for trying to help me, tell her I’ll go in the house and get help. As I trudge up the driveway, she’s circling the car, mumbling to herself in whatever language she speaks. By the time I come back out, she’s disappeared. I appreciate Shovel-Lady trying to help me, and I feel bad that she fell, but she’s still extremely weird. And can I also say for the record that if she wasn’t in her driveway inspecting for snowflakes and if I hadn’t been so nervous about the whereabouts of her dog, I most likely wouldn’t have backed into the snow bank.

What I’m trying to say is, it’s her fault :).

Unbelievable Hurt

So on Thursday morning I had an appointment to see a trainer at the gym – I’ve been considering one-on-one training sessions because I’m thinking I’m not working myself hard enough at the gym and that maybe a trainer might be able to jump start me. When I called to book my appointment, I specifically said that I wanted someone that would work me hard – my response? A chuckle and “Oh, have I got someone for you then.” Enter Crazy-Hardcore-Trainer (CHT). Our appointment time? 6am Thursday morning. Yes, I’m crazy.

So I arrive at the gym, we find each other and talk for a bit about my goals and what I’m trying to accomplish. CHT listens intently then sends me off to the bikes while he plans his methods of torture for me. And what do you think he comes up with? Only the 3 exercises I HATE doing the most at the gym – Squats, Lunges and Push-Ups.


So for over thirty minutes I squat, I lunge, I pushup. I also whimper, whine and gasp for breath. And I sweat. My pigtails escape their confines. I’m not sure what I’ve been doing at the gym for the past 2 years, but it hasn’t been working out. In retrospect, I’m now seeing myself as one of those non-serious, dillusional types that wander around with a towel and a bottle of water and occasionally lift some wussy weight. I keep saying to CHT that I can’t do what he’s telling me to, but he doesn’t care. Yes you can, he tells me. When I insist that I can’t, he tells me I haven’t even tried. And well…of course.. he’s right. CHT trainer is good at what he does, because I’ve told him that I’m off to Vegas to get married and Cali to honeymoon, he uses that to inspire me. As I squat he shuts such motivators as “Santa Monica Beach!” “Venice Beach!” “The pool at Bellagio!”. And so I squat some more.

And then. Well… the fact that I hadn’t eaten before my 6am morning-call suddenly hits me like a brickwall. Because I NEVER eat before I work out, it’s too bloody early for food much less for gymming. But before, I could not eat because I wasn’t really working out in the first place, was I? Nope. This is working out, and I very quickly learn what an empty tank will do to you. I start feeling nauseous, light headed, I see spots. I beg to sit down, CHT squats besides me and sympathetically explains to me the importance of breakfast. I drink some water and get back up. Secretly, I think CHT is impressed with my determination.

After my workout, we head from the stretching table where I lay down and CHT stretches out my legs for me. Certainly the best part of my workout. And as we stretch, some of the wobbliness starts to fade away so that when we get up, I’m feeling much better. Afterwards, we sat and chatted about the possibility of a training program – but at $300 for only 4 sessions, it’s a harsh reality check. CHT encourages me to consider it – he thinks that if I came and saw him for an hour every other week, we could really do some damage and in 8 weeks I would start to see the results I so keenly long for.

I think $300 is nuts…but if I put it into perspective, I’ve spent close to $300 for a spa day… the effects of five hours that, while extremely blissfully, have disappeared. 8 weeks with CHT and I’ve no doubt that I’ll be bikini ready. But with a wedding dress to pay for, and a bunch of other miscellaneous wedding stuff coming my way, I just don’t see me having the extra cash, and that’s unfortunate. Suckage.

SideNote: After the workout yesterday, I was pretty sore. This morning, however, I literally had difficulty walking. I have never, ever in my life felt pain like I am currently experiencing. Sitting down hurts. Standing up hurts. Going up or down stairs is excruciating. Joanne told me today that my body is rejoicing, that it’s happy to be alive. I’m thinking it’s wishing for the opposite. I’m not sure whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing. I’m sure it’s not bad, but how can suffering this bad be good?


SideNote #2: The trainer I originally wanted after watching her train with other people has recently left the club – she’s moved to Calgary to play on the girl’s hockey team. I’m kicking myself – she’ll be playing in the Olympics in a few years and I’ll be thinking SHE could have been my trainer!!

Daily Dirt


Saturday, February 07, 2004

1. How many meals do you have per day? 3.

2. How often do you snack? Mostly in the latter part of the day – while I’m making dinner because I’m starving at that point and then sometimes after dinner.

3. Do you find a need to diet?I think most people have a need to diet in some manner or other…I come from a family that likes to eat and as a result, I’ve been forced to curb that particular enthusiasm :).

4. Are you a superb pig out partner? I’ve been known to consume about quite a few eggrolls with the right partner :).

5. Do you nick your friends/family members’ leftovers? Hardly ever. It’s off limits, if only for portion-control.

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